Summary

Second Life

Linden Lab proudly announced the closure of the grid to upgrade to version 1.13.3.

Residents were quick to respond saying, “Oh, God. I wonder what will go wrong this time. ” to which Linden Lab immediately replied , “Nothi… Yeah, OK. You got us there.”

Much hilarity ensued on the forums and other blogs as residents banded together to say, “Nah. ’s’OK. We’ve all got other shit to do anyway. Take your time guys”

Linden Lab thanked the residents for their tolerance and equanimity by closing the Announcements and News forum.

Second Citizen

In a moving poetry reading and song recital Control Rod M2 bade farewell to teh forumz. Coincidentally, this also marked the return of Control Rod J1 to the forums. Despite general rejoicing, fighting broke out almost immediately.

Phreak …
… continues to be the only place where all sorts of shit either doesn’t happen or is well hidden.

Darkmere roundup

• A witness, who wishes to remain anonymous, claims to have seen a nightmare in the morning mist. Could Jonas be free ?

• Reports of a coup in Darkmere appear to have been exaggerated. The political situation in Darkmere is currently calm.

• This blogger interviewed a leading gin scientist in an effort to clear up some confusion.

blogger: Good evening.
scientist: Good evening, Peasan.
blogger: Is it something in the gin ?
scientist: No, it isn’t. The gin is perfectly safe.
blogger: Yay !

We can only hope that this marks a return to what passes for normal in the Duchy.

Where’s the summary, damnit ?

OK. OK. OK. Jeez. Lighten up, people. Here’s the hot poop. Remember, you read it here first.

Second Life

A whole bunch of people logged on, discovered that they couldn’t do stuff and got all annoyed about it.
Linden Lab was quick to respond, saying “OK. We’ll close the Linden Answers Forum. Let us know if that helps. kthxbai”

SecondCitizen

It’s been kind of quiet compared to the past few weeks. This may be because FIC has re-arranged teh forumz and nobody can find anything.

Phreak

The disgusting and singularly unpleasant Lecktor Hannibal makes a welcome return to the enormous bosom that is Phreak Radio.

That’s it. Everything else was silence.

Heads may no longer roll

In an angry outburst on the Linden Lab blog a leading SL resident finally dared to ask the question that has been troubling so many people.

NECK ATTACHMENT HELLLLLOOOOO where do i tell you linden about NECK ATTACHMENT THAT YOU WILL READ come on WHY NO NECK ATTACHEMT IT A NECK ATTACHMENT IS NEEEDED YES IT IS sorry im alite rude but really come on why dont you have one you have right eye left eye right ear left ear right hand left hand right hip left hip pellvis hmmm what else spine right uper arm left uper arm right lower arm left lower arm and more because cant think of them all BUT NO NECK ATTACHMENT COME ON YOU HAVE EVERY WHERE BUT NECK COLLAR SOULD BE NECK ATTACHMENT FOR IT AND WHAT ABOUT A SKARF NO NECK ATTACHMENT FOR IT THERE WHAT ATTACH TO MY BACK WOW thats nice shesh GET ADD A DAM NECK ATTACHMENT

Could this be the answer to St. Margaret’s prayers ?

WTF is up with Darkmere ?

In a frightening announcement here it was revealed that Lucifer Baphomet, the Duke of Darkmere and Phreak DJ, has been kidnapped. In a surprising turnaround his kidnapper revealed plans to torture all of us rather than the Duke.

The mysterious band of itinerant evol revolutionaries, FreeDarkmere, was quick to deny any involvement.

Regular readers will remember the tragic kidnapping of The Lady Peasan which took place a few weeks ago. Fortunately she was able to escape unharmed. We can only hope that the Duke is as clever, resourceful and pretty as The Lady Peasan.

Is it something in the gin ?

The mysterious goings-on in Darkmere continue.

Sometime late last night The Lady Peasan went, like, totally postal and did all sorts of shit that will come back to haunt her.
Two residents of Darkmere were harmed in the attack but are in a stable condition – unlike The Lady Peasan who is clearly batshit crazy. Other leading residents of SL suffered minor confusions.

The Lady Peasan is said to be ‘resting’ and is currently unavailable for comment.

A spokeswoman for the Peasan-Kuu Foundation issued this statement.

The Lady Peasan is deeply embarrassed by the incident and wishes to apologise to everybody for just about everything she has said and done recently. It was not her intention to cause pain or sadness to any other person and is shamed by her inane rantings and infantile accusations. We believe an imbalance in her medication was responsible for the outburst. Her private physician will examine her if she ever comes out of the bathroom.

This blogger has heard rumours that this may be yet another alcohol related incident, however this was categorically denied in a private shout from the bathroom.

Close friends of The Lady were said to be unsurprised and confided to this blogger that, “Oh, she does shit like that. Ignore her and she’ll give up. The silly bitch probably just wants some attention.”

Darkmere crimewave continues unabated

With the terrible kidnapping of The Lady Peasan still fresh in our minds, we hear news of another dark deed.

Jonas, the frolicking Nightmare, has vanished. He was last seen in the company of a trollop in a local tavern.

The Duke of Darkmere was unavailable for comment.

Please contact Detective Inspector P. Sankuu in you have witnessed any strange goings on in or around Clearwing.

SL now only for the super-rich

In an uncharacteristic slip-up Prokofy Neva reveals an impending price increase. Check the  link for the original, damning article.

Doubtless, the high-fliers of SL were notified about this months ago.

Quoting Prokofy Neva:

I suggested a very broad class of people — people with stake, which anyone can easily acquire for only $9.96 a month.

I’m mad as hell, and I’m not gonna check my facts any more.

Second Citizens narrowly avoid certain death !

A cataclysmic forum disaster has been averted.
This blogger interviewed a leading nuclear forum scientist for an explanation.

blogger: Good afternoon.
scientist: Good afternoon, Peasan.
blogger: Could you explain, in simple terms, just what happened ?
scientist: I will try. Are you familiar with the normal operation of a forums ?
blogger: Not really.
scientist: Well, a forums essentially consists of an outer commentsphere, a smaller threadcreationsphere and the Forums Inner Core.
The entire forums is controlled by nuclear forum reactions that take place in the inner core. Subtle interactions between informons, funnons and dramons are the lifeblood of a forums.
blogger: I see.
scientist: The potentially dangerous reactions in the inner core are moderated by the Forum Control Rods which can be moved in and out of the core. At some point in the past few weeks, control rods J1, J2 and M2 seriously malfunctioned causing a dangerous buildup of dramons.
blogger: And this is serious ?
scientist: Good lord, yes. If the number of dramons exceeds the Safe Limit this can lead to a dramon chain reaction which produces more dramons at a rate that cannot be controlled. This, in turn, causes the conversion of informons and funnons into further dramons until the entire Inner Core consists of dramons.
If this is allowed to continue then a core meltdown is inevitable leading to a catastrophic explosion that could harm teh intarwebs.
blogger: But surely there are other control rods ?
scientist: Yes. Usually that is the case, but in a severe dramon buildup, other control rods voluntarily remove themselves from the core which allows the dramon buildup to continue. This leads to the runaway dramon chain-reaction.
blogger: !
scientist: You may well say ‘!’. In this case, for reasons that we do not yet understand, one of the malfunctioning rods temporarily removed itself from the core and another announced that it was ‘just funnin’, is all’.
blogger: And things then returned to normal ?
scientist: Almost. One control rod is still exhibiting curious behaviour, but we are confident that it can be kept in check.
blogger: Would it not be better to simply remove these rogue control rods altogether ?
scientist: No. That would cause the core to swing the other way causing a buildup of informons and a few funnons which leads to forum stasis. This is not dangerous, but it is rather dull.
blogger: So what you are saying is that a healthy forums requires a certain number of dramons.
scientist: Exactly ! Are you a scientist ?
blogger: No, I am a porcupine.
scientist: I see.
blogger: Please continue.
scientist: Yes. That is what I am saying. As long as the number of dramons does not exceed the Safe Limit, they will harmlessly interact with the informons and funnons leading to the desired rate of thread creation.
blogger: Well, let’s hope that this sort of thing doesn’t happen again.
scientist: I’m afraid you are an optimist.
blogger: No, I am still a porcupine.
scientist: I’d like to leave now.

So please, for the safety of teh Intarwebs, keep dramon creation below the Safe Limit. You know it makes sense.

kthx

Peasan

Gossip

In a no-longer-private message to this blogger, Taco Rubio says

“maybe you should post what a sell-out i am on SC about this”

What COULD he have been referring to ?