Another Summary

Second Life

In a surprise development Linden Lab announced a change to the way that the IM to email system works. Linden Lab defended this move saying, “This will make it easier for residents to stay in contact when they are offline for extended periods of time”. Baffled residents responded with, “Lol. But we love Second Life. When are we ever likely to be offli

Second Citizen

The death of a minor celebrity and several ‘dog-like’ creatures rocked teh forumz. Heated debate revealed that death is not uncommon but always unfair. Late breaking news suggests that life is ‘not always a bunch of roses either’ but a gubmint spokesperson dismissed this as the ravings of a bunch of whiny pussies.

Phreak

Confidential listening figures leaked to this blogger reveal that Phreak-Radio is the most popular radio station in Qatar.

Phreak will celebrate the news later today with a special “Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre Dance”. Get your swimsuit and head on down to Phreak Isle tonight from 7pm to 11pm SLT.

Seriously, be there or be square.

Evol landbaron exposé

Readers will doubtless have read the announcement here and the sometimes heated discussion here about the new land which was suddenly made available by Linden Lab.

This is clearly a poorly understood and emotive issue so, in an effort to bring some light to the darkness, this blogger interviewed a leading evol landbaron to learn some of the tricks of the trade.

Ever mindful of the punitive libel laws and the evol landbaron’s request for total anonymity this blogger has changed his name to protect Desmond’s identity. I have also re-phrased some, well all, of my statements and questions for clarity.
Here, I talk to ‘Des’.

blogger: Good evening.
‘Des’: Good evening, Peasan.
blogger: Just to get us started, I am rather new to second life and I am thinking about buying some land.
‘Des’: sure
blogger: What about land on a mountain- top ?
‘Des’: sounds… high
blogger: Yes. Perhaps I should just get one of those landswooping bots that people are so worried about.
‘Des’: haha! go for it
blogger: You have a reputation as keen businessman in the property market. How do you keep up with current events ?
‘Des’: oh, I’m an innocent wide-eyed noob just like anyone else
blogger: Well, that may be. I rather doubt it however. I think residents are really concerned about current developments in land availability.
‘Des’: hahahahahahaha
blogger: Yes. I suppose there is a funny side to it. How is your business going ? Do you have much free land at the moment ?
‘Des’: sadly, none. otherwise I’d be sucking someone for more $L for it, as we speak
blogger: But people have told me that you are one of the most honest property magnates in Second Life
‘Des’: oh, it’s all an act. I’ve got thousands of USD worth of sims just burning tier, waiting…. just so I can toy with people.
blogger: Well, that’s lucky for you, but how do you think this will affect other evol landbarons ? Prokofy Neva, for example, or to a lesser degree Lucifer Baphomet ?
‘Des’: Prok is my alt. Lucifer is my alt.
blogger: I’m sure that will come as a surprise to many people. Do you …
‘Des’: I have an alt with blue wings.
blogger: Please don’t interrupt me.
‘Des’: hahhahah
blogger: Perhaps we should talk a bit about your private life. How is your partner ?
‘Des’: … hates me.
blogger: Well, as you are clearly very rich and lonely, shall we stop the interview and just go to bed ? Take me ‘Des’, I am yours.
‘Des’: And I am yours.

Remember, people. He’s not just screwing me. He’s screwing you too.

Summary

Second Life

Linden Lab proudly announced the closure of the grid to upgrade to version 1.13.3.

Residents were quick to respond saying, “Oh, God. I wonder what will go wrong this time. ” to which Linden Lab immediately replied , “Nothi… Yeah, OK. You got us there.”

Much hilarity ensued on the forums and other blogs as residents banded together to say, “Nah. ’s’OK. We’ve all got other shit to do anyway. Take your time guys”

Linden Lab thanked the residents for their tolerance and equanimity by closing the Announcements and News forum.

Second Citizen

In a moving poetry reading and song recital Control Rod M2 bade farewell to teh forumz. Coincidentally, this also marked the return of Control Rod J1 to the forums. Despite general rejoicing, fighting broke out almost immediately.

Phreak …
… continues to be the only place where all sorts of shit either doesn’t happen or is well hidden.

Darkmere roundup

• A witness, who wishes to remain anonymous, claims to have seen a nightmare in the morning mist. Could Jonas be free ?

• Reports of a coup in Darkmere appear to have been exaggerated. The political situation in Darkmere is currently calm.

• This blogger interviewed a leading gin scientist in an effort to clear up some confusion.

blogger: Good evening.
scientist: Good evening, Peasan.
blogger: Is it something in the gin ?
scientist: No, it isn’t. The gin is perfectly safe.
blogger: Yay !

We can only hope that this marks a return to what passes for normal in the Duchy.

Where’s the summary, damnit ?

OK. OK. OK. Jeez. Lighten up, people. Here’s the hot poop. Remember, you read it here first.

Second Life

A whole bunch of people logged on, discovered that they couldn’t do stuff and got all annoyed about it.
Linden Lab was quick to respond, saying “OK. We’ll close the Linden Answers Forum. Let us know if that helps. kthxbai”

SecondCitizen

It’s been kind of quiet compared to the past few weeks. This may be because FIC has re-arranged teh forumz and nobody can find anything.

Phreak

The disgusting and singularly unpleasant Lecktor Hannibal makes a welcome return to the enormous bosom that is Phreak Radio.

That’s it. Everything else was silence.

Heads may no longer roll

In an angry outburst on the Linden Lab blog a leading SL resident finally dared to ask the question that has been troubling so many people.

NECK ATTACHMENT HELLLLLOOOOO where do i tell you linden about NECK ATTACHMENT THAT YOU WILL READ come on WHY NO NECK ATTACHEMT IT A NECK ATTACHMENT IS NEEEDED YES IT IS sorry im alite rude but really come on why dont you have one you have right eye left eye right ear left ear right hand left hand right hip left hip pellvis hmmm what else spine right uper arm left uper arm right lower arm left lower arm and more because cant think of them all BUT NO NECK ATTACHMENT COME ON YOU HAVE EVERY WHERE BUT NECK COLLAR SOULD BE NECK ATTACHMENT FOR IT AND WHAT ABOUT A SKARF NO NECK ATTACHMENT FOR IT THERE WHAT ATTACH TO MY BACK WOW thats nice shesh GET ADD A DAM NECK ATTACHMENT

Could this be the answer to St. Margaret’s prayers ?

WTF is up with Darkmere ?

In a frightening announcement here it was revealed that Lucifer Baphomet, the Duke of Darkmere and Phreak DJ, has been kidnapped. In a surprising turnaround his kidnapper revealed plans to torture all of us rather than the Duke.

The mysterious band of itinerant evol revolutionaries, FreeDarkmere, was quick to deny any involvement.

Regular readers will remember the tragic kidnapping of The Lady Peasan which took place a few weeks ago. Fortunately she was able to escape unharmed. We can only hope that the Duke is as clever, resourceful and pretty as The Lady Peasan.

Is it something in the gin ?

The mysterious goings-on in Darkmere continue.

Sometime late last night The Lady Peasan went, like, totally postal and did all sorts of shit that will come back to haunt her.
Two residents of Darkmere were harmed in the attack but are in a stable condition – unlike The Lady Peasan who is clearly batshit crazy. Other leading residents of SL suffered minor confusions.

The Lady Peasan is said to be ‘resting’ and is currently unavailable for comment.

A spokeswoman for the Peasan-Kuu Foundation issued this statement.

The Lady Peasan is deeply embarrassed by the incident and wishes to apologise to everybody for just about everything she has said and done recently. It was not her intention to cause pain or sadness to any other person and is shamed by her inane rantings and infantile accusations. We believe an imbalance in her medication was responsible for the outburst. Her private physician will examine her if she ever comes out of the bathroom.

This blogger has heard rumours that this may be yet another alcohol related incident, however this was categorically denied in a private shout from the bathroom.

Close friends of The Lady were said to be unsurprised and confided to this blogger that, “Oh, she does shit like that. Ignore her and she’ll give up. The silly bitch probably just wants some attention.”

Darkmere crimewave continues unabated

With the terrible kidnapping of The Lady Peasan still fresh in our minds, we hear news of another dark deed.

Jonas, the frolicking Nightmare, has vanished. He was last seen in the company of a trollop in a local tavern.

The Duke of Darkmere was unavailable for comment.

Please contact Detective Inspector P. Sankuu in you have witnessed any strange goings on in or around Clearwing.

SL now only for the super-rich

In an uncharacteristic slip-up Prokofy Neva reveals an impending price increase. Check the  link for the original, damning article.

Doubtless, the high-fliers of SL were notified about this months ago.

Quoting Prokofy Neva:

I suggested a very broad class of people — people with stake, which anyone can easily acquire for only $9.96 a month.

I’m mad as hell, and I’m not gonna check my facts any more.