Ekelhafter Pixelsex

May 11, 2007

Erschuetternde Nachrichten aus Second Life.

Pixelsex ist angeblich ueberall in dieser Virtuellen Welt zu finden.
Die Technologische Welt is schon fuer die meisten Burger/Burgerinnen nicht zu verstehen und neue Entwicklungen erscheinen taeglich.

Aber jetzt koennen sogar die Pixels bumsen.

Ein Rechtsanwalt, der Anonym bleiben will, hat folgendes zu sagen, “Ich kann es einfach nicht glauben. Es ist zum kotzen. Gestern wusste ich nicht, dass sowas moegliche waere. Heute verstehe ich immer noch nicht wie es moeglich ist. Aber ich hab’s im Fernsehen gesehen. Es muss wahr sein.”
Eine Regierungssprecherin dazu: “Ja. Das haben wir auch gesehen. Wenn wir nicht sofort gerechtliche Schritte unternehmen, haben wir bald mit einer Rotgruenbluarosarotevioletteschwarzweissgelben Koalition zu tun.
Und wer will das ?”

Angeblich befinden sich schon ueber 200 Milliarden Pixels in Untersuchungshaft.

Juengste Nachricht: Ein 54 Jaehriger Mann und eine 27 Jaehrige Frau haben Sex miteinander nicht gehabt.
Natuerlich hat Linden Lab alle beide sofort aus das Spiel herausgeschmissen.

Special Bulletin II

May 8, 2007

Scene: A liquor store

CUSTOMER: Can I have a case of beer?
STAFF: Do you have any ID ?
CUSTOMER: Yes. But I don’t want to show it to you.
STAFF: OK
.
.
.
.
.
.
CUSTOMER: So, can I have a case of beer now ?
STAFF: No.
CUSTOMER: WTF ? You’re refusing to serve me ?
STAFF: No. I can sell you soda or chips and things like that.
CUSTOMER: Ohhhhh.
.
.
.
.
.
CUSTOMER: So, can I have a case of beer now ?

Special Bulletin

May 3, 2007

For the first time in as long as anybody can remember, there was a Town Hall meeting at Pooley. For those unable to attend, here is a summary.

RESIDENTS: Gah Fix it !
LINDENS: We’re working on stuff (but not what you think)
RESIDENTS: Oh fuck
LINDENS: Bye

Summary’s almost here

April 25, 2007

Second Life

Tests ? Nobody said there would be tests ! Much discussion followed the announcement of a plan to introduce certification of SL specific skills. This is yet another confusing and emotive issue that requires clarification. This blogger spoke to a leading Linden who, for reasons of anonymity, refused to reveal how he (or she!) became a Linden.

<blogger> Good Morning.
<‘Phyll’> Good Morning, Peasan
<blogger> Perhaps you could briefly explain the certification system
<‘Phyll’> Yes. It really is very simple. In an effort to add some legitimacy to claims of technical ability we have removed the ‘resident ratings’ page from inworld profiles and intend filling the vacuum with a simple certification system.
<blogger> I see. And how will this work.
<‘Phyll’> We envisage a heirachical series of interconnecting Skillz(tm) modules that residents can work their way through.
<blogger> That doesn’t sound “really very simple”.
<‘Phyll’> Let me explain. Residents will be able to choose to study for certification in any 9 of the 17 base modules. For each base module the resident sucessfully completes, he or she will receive one or more Skillz(tm) points that can be applied to any the 23 second level Skillz(tm) modules. Once sufficient points have been amassed the resident can then be certified in any 11 of the Skillz2a or Skillz2b modules choosing no more than three from any Skillz2(tm) category unless two of their base Skillz(tm) are in the same base Skillz(tm) category. And so on.
<blogger> And so on ? How many levels are there ?
<‘Phyll’> We envisage 60 or 70.
<blogger> 60 or 70 ? Why so many ?
<‘Phyll’> Well, as we are asking for resident input on this, the number of levels and Skillz(tm) modules reflects the huge number of differing opinions that we anticipate receiving.
<blogger> 60 or 70 levels ? Skillz(tm) points ? You stole this from WoW, didn’t you ?
<‘Phyll’> We have never heard of WoW.
<blogger> So, assuming a resident reaches the final level what will they be ?
<‘Phyll’> A camel.
<blogger> I see. And people just starting out will be … ?
<‘Phyll’> Certifiable.
<blogger> This sounds immensely confusing and unworkable. Would it not be simpler to advise people to ask for a portfolio and view previous work before hiring somebody ?
<‘Phyll’> Yes.
<blogger> So why are you doing it ?
<‘Phyll’> Mainly to give people something to bitch about while we get on with fixing Second Life(tm).
<blogger> So you expect this discussion to last a year or more ?
<‘Phyll’> That’s not funny. I want to leave now.

Peasan Kuu – Skillz(tm) : level 1 Apprentice humourist (failed)

Second Citizen

Tests ? Nobody said there would be tests ! Isn’t this un-American ? Let’s go to another party. The last one was great.

Phreak

Decadent joins and Maddy’s back.

Dreaming of a long, hot Summery

March 21, 2007

Second Life

In a tragic admission, Linden Lab announced that it does not have enough volunteers to process volunteer applications in a timely manner. If you would like to volunteer to help the existing volunteers process the backlog of volunteers applications then you should … um … no, wait. Let me think. Yeah. I’ll get back to you on this one.

Second Citizen

In a sneaky, in-world move reported here and discussed to death here Linden Lab decided to clamp down on the sort of stuff that some people do that gets other people all bent out of whack as soon as stuff like that is mentioned.

In an effort to cast some light on the practice known as ageplay, this blogger interviewed a leading ageplayer. For the purposes of this interview this person will be referred to as ‘Tiny’. This is yet another emotive issue and this blogger has done everything possible to keep personal feelings at bay. If you are easily offended by the sort of stuff that easily offends you then read no further.

<blogger>: Good Evening
<‘Tiny’> : A-wah. A-goo-goo. Wah ?
<blogger>: Hmm. So perhaps we could talk about ageplay in SL. How did you get involved ?
<‘Tiny’> : HAHAHAHA. *gurgle* Wa-wa-wa-wa-waaaaah.
<blogger>: Sorry, I didn’t catch a word of that. Perhaps if you took your toes out of your mouth it would help.
<‘Tiny’> : *coff* *gurgle* Awoooooooooooooooo. *hic*
<blogger>: What ? Look, I’ll give you this piece of candy if you’ll answer a question. Here it iz. Oh yez-it-iz. Candy for T-i-i-i-i-i-ny.
<‘Tiny’> : *giggle* aha aha aha aha *coff*
<blogger>: So, about ageplay in Second Life and Linden Lab’s response to it.
<‘Tiny’> : *pfft*
<blogger>: What ? OK. Just one more piece. You’ve already got chocolate all over your fingers. H-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-re it comes. Oh, yezitdoes. Duzzee like that, ooooh duzzee ?
<‘Tiny’> : *hic* HAHAHAHAHAHA ! Wah. Agooo. Agoooo. Agooo.
<blogger>: If we could perhaps get back to the topic at hand now. Ageplay in SL. Presumably you are in favour of it.
<‘Tiny’> : Bah!
<blogger>: Bah ? You’re against it ? I have to say that that rather surprises me.
<‘Tiny’> : wah wah Wah Wah WAH WAH WAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH
<blogger>: Oh dear. What’s wrong ? Do you feel ….
<‘Tiny’> : *barf*
<blogger>: Oh GAH!
<‘Tiny’> : *barf*
<blogger>: You just threw up on my sweater.
<‘Tiny’> : b-b-b-b-b-BAH! Agoo. Agoo. AWAAAAAH
<blogger>: You little shit! This is cashmere ! Do you know how much cashmere costs ?
<‘Tiny’> : POOOOOOOOOOOOOH !!!

There you have it. These people are disgusting and should be banned immediately.

Phreak Radio …

… bids a sad farewell to the DJs Arahan Claveau and Nebulosus Severine. This blogger can only hope that this is a brief hiatus and that they return in the future.

Something of a Summary

March 14, 2007

Second Life

In what has been termed ‘the most important development in Second Life since the 1.7 update’ integrated voice chat is imminent.

Opinions are divided as to the desirability of this feature so, in an attempt to put certain rumours to rest, this blogger tested it out on the Beta Grid.

What follows is a transcription of the bits this blogger could remember.

<avatar 1> Hello ? Hello ?
<avator 2> Hi. How are you ?
<avatar 3> Woah, this is cool.
<avatar 1> Hello ? Hello ?
<avatar 2> *crackle* *hiss* *pop*
<William Shatner sound sample at ear splitting volume>
<avatar 1> Hello ? Hello ?
<avatar 4> Turn your volume up.
<avatar 2> Hi … um … who said that ?
<avatar 5> How make money in SL ?
<avatar 3> Way cool !!
<William Shatner sound sample at ear splitting volume>
<William Shatner sound sample at ear splitting volume>
<William Shatner sound sample at ear splitting volume>
<avater 1> Hello ? Hello ?
<avater 4> Who’s echoing ? (echoing echoing echoing)
<avatar 2> You are (you are you are you are)
<avatar 3> So are you (are you are you are you)
<avater 1> Hello ? Hello ? (hello hello hello hello)
<avatar 4> Wait, you’re using your PC speakers aren’t you ? (aren’t you aren’t you)
<avatar 2> Wait. Let me re-log.
<avatar 6> Merde. Tu es vraiment le plus grand con du monde.
<William Shatner sound sample at ear splitting volume>
<William Shatner sound sample at ear splitting volume>
<avatar 7> Me so horny. Me love you long time.
<William Shatner sound sample at ear splitting volume>
<William Shatner sound sample at ear splitting volume>
<avatar 3> This is so cool.
<avatar 8> Wer hat das gesagt ?
<avatar 1> Hello ? Hello ?

Second Citizen

Exciting news. SC now comes with added BLING !!

Oh yes, and a whole bunch of people shouted at each other for various reasons. Go read it yourself.

Phreak …

.. will soon have new DJ booths !!

(This blogger has been forced to sign a punitive NDA regarding Phreak developments and cannot say anything else at this stage.)

Summary ? Yes Please !

February 26, 2007

Second Life and Second Citizen

The grid suffered more problems yesterday, with Linden Lab announcing at one point “we have taken Second Life temporarily offline for maintenance”. This blogger has learned that this was due to the need to divert all of the Lab’s technical resources to Ubunto, where a group of highly-favoured Second Citizens had gathered.

A massive power surge in the sim was blamed for the hiatus.

Quite why Linden Lab would run to help these people while other residents suffered is unclear although this blogger has heard rumours of corruption at the very highest levels.

Phreak …

… is still awesome.

Some more Summary

February 21, 2007

Second Life

In an oppressive move beloved of vile dictators everywhere, the poorest of the poor discovered that they’ll have to stand outside in the rain while rich apparachiks sweep into Second Life unhindered. A weeping resident told this blogger, “I didn’t have much to begin with, and now this! I wish they’d take something away from those rich bastards”. Linden Lab responded swiftly, saying, “Okey-dokey“.

Second Citizen

European Second Citizens were stunned to discover that Americans have inconvenient calendars, watches and hotels.
This blogger tried to interview some Americans to discuss this blatant, self-serving favouritism but they were all asleep.

Phreak …

… is looking for more DJs.

Yet Another Summary

February 14, 2007

Second Citizen

In a joyous flurry of debates on gun control, public nudity and depression, not to mention frivolous lawsuits, Second Citizen celebrated its first birthday. Pretty much everybody said ‘WTG, FIC :wub:’

Those unfamiliar with Second Citizen would do well to read this summary of the first year.

Second Life

In a joyous celebration of random grid outages, inventory and teleport problems, Linden Lab identified a “minor networking problem”.

This blogger would like to thank Second Citizen, Madison Paine for first posting the truth.

Phreak

An anonymous, but highly-placed source informs this blogger that Phreak has been taken over by the Chinese. It is apparently part of the North Korea deal. Stay tuned (geddit ?) for more details and programming changes.

Drama-llama-ding-dong

February 12, 2007

Phreak has competition ! After reading this blogger’s last post, the Qatari people sent an email saying, “Don’t forget to tell people to listen to Viv’s shows too. All hail the llama queen.”

The Blarney Stone
Every other Sunday 9 AM – noon SLT
[URL: http://66.34.54.162:8002%5D
celtic based folk, traditional and rock

T1 Radio
Every other Sunday 2-5 PM SLT
[URL: http://t1radio.serverroom.us:8242%5D
Classic rock from the 60s, 70s and 80s.

The Velvet

Thursday nights 7-9 SLT
[URL: http://216.201.108.19:8080%5D
Whatever I want unless there’s a special event.

RadioRadio

Monday nights 6-8 SLT
[URL: http://media1.servercave.com:15822/radioradio.ogg%5D
Whatever I want. Eclectic me.

Updates here.